video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[invasif]

I don't think such an equalitarian system would survive for long. Human nature is...

[ A soft hum like laughter. ]

Unchanging.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Ignore Hank if he looks just a tad, a little smidge, a tiny bit like he's approaching being put off by the way she said that. Maybe it's the hum, or the pause, or maybe Hank's just too focused on keeping an eye out for this place's weird-factor. Humans talk about humanity like it's a totally different species all the time, but Hank's pretty aware that, here, that really could actually be true. He shakes it off, because he's actually getting better at shaking off the weird shit, and shrugs.]

We don't need it to survive for that long though, do we? We're not setting up a whole government. We just need to find something that lasts long enough that all this freaky other-dimensional bullshit doesn't kill us.

But yeah, otherwise I'd be with you. Shit just works better with one person making decisions. Otherwise 'human nature' means we're just gonna keep bitchslapping eachother untill something explodes.

[invasif]

I have not made any assumptions as to how long my services will be needed.

[ There's no correction to her tone, merely a statement. ]

I do, however, expect more squabble than cooperation from our assortment of confused visitors.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well, how long do you think we'll be here? That makes it sound like you're settled in for the long haul.

[invasif]

Months, years? Who knows what sort of war this will be.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

A war? [Hank says it doubtfully, raising his eyebrows.] So who is it we’re fighting? I don’t get who the bad guy here’s supposed to be. Little green men from outer space?

[invasif]

The witch would have to confess more to me, to know for certain.

[ She doesn't understand about half of what he says, she mostly puts it together from tone and context. ]

The magic wars of my youth lasted twenty years.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[So that's where her head went when she got here. Makes sense. Except for, of course, the magic part. But still-]

What makes you think this is the same situation? Who says this isn't a... I don't know, some kinda weird vacation you were kidnapped into? Why does it have to be a war right off?

[invasif]

Magic is rarely inert. It pushes and pulls, and when... the rest of us become involved, our desires stir it into a whirlwind. It is always a kind of war.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Uh.

[Is there a way to respond to that without being a shithead? She's not being an asshole, after all, she's just being a weird fucker, and if that was a crime about ninety five percent of people here would be behind bars.]

I'm gonna be honest, that just, uh- [Hank pauses, scratching at his beard. Yeah, he's probably going to come off at least a little bit shitty here no matter what. Might as well keep going.] -that just sounds like weird poetry to me.

[invasif]

I like poetry.

[ She's not going to try to explain much deeper than that, so she shrugs it off dismissively. ]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well, glad one of us does, cause I had no idea what that meant just now. So.

[invasif]

I'm no tutor, I'm afraid. Astoria may explain better than I.

[ Unlikely, Ilde considers the witch to be scatter brained and mostly useless. ]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

You think I want a tutor for magic, you've got another thing coming. Or poetry. I mean, no offense, but.

[Hank raises his eyebrows, shaking his head.]

I got enough problems without knowing anything else about either of those things.

[invasif]

[ Lady Ilde thinks Hank doth protest too much, about most things. Not a leader, not a man of magic, nor of poetry. ]

What is it you hold against poetry, precisely?

god she has hank's number already XD

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well, nothing as long as it keeps a distance of at least a hundred feet.

[He shrugs, then tries to give a real answer.]

I don't know, it just kind of seems like a melodramatic way of just trying to sound smarter than everyone else while saying stuff everyone knows already. I mean, it's fine for some people, I guess, but it always goes right over my head. Just like it's meant to, I guess.

she is a very clever power hungry witch

[invasif]

I was taught to read, from poetry.

[ A pause, a thoughtful hum. Those were good memories, in a sea of otherwise unpleasant ones. The king had been calm in those moments, kindly and paternal. Nothing at all like the murderous tyrant he truly was. ]

Some poems may teach you ideas you already knew... but perhaps the reminder is needed. I think more often poetry conveys the world to me in ways I should never have understood, and will assuredly never see. Reality is not so pretty, nor as delicately formed.

[ Another pause. ]

I suppose that is what you dislike about it.

[ The disappointment when one returned to the grit of the world. ]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[He huffs, amused, smiling crookedly.]

You know, I was actually about to say that, that last part.

[Hank's quiet for a second, pursing his lips.]

I guess, uh - if that's why you like it, I guess I could see it a little, in theory. But it's still- But that doesn't matter, I'm not going to get my uh- [Bitterness? Pessimism? Grumpy old bullshit? All of the above, probably.] -my me all over your precious childhood memories. If it's, uh, some kind of relief, or whatever, I uh. Shit, do I get that.

[invasif]

[ His desire to show her understanding despite himself is... bemusing. It makes something pleasant but also cruel twist in her. The awareness that she tended to chew good people up and spit them out. ]

My name is Ilde. Lady Ilde.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank's crooked smile comes back, appreciative. Looks like he passed some kind of test by admitting that the world is shit and relief from it is necessary. Which is fine - that's not something a lot of people want to admit.]

Well, you want me to call you lady or Idle? I've never been around royalty before I came here, I'm not really sure how all that works. Oh, and it's Hank. Hank Anderson. Nice to meet you.

[invasif]

You may call me as you like, so long as it is not distasteful.

[ No cutesy epithets! ]

And it is a pleasure, Hank.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Likewise. It was nice talking with you, uh... lady Ilde.

[His voice sounds warm when he says it. He means it. The way she talks sounds little weirdly formal, but compared to all the other weird shit around here that's barely worth noticing, and this was genuinely a nice conversation.]