video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[fuck1ngusernam3]

uh

[Hank you're texting why did you send that, you didn't have to say that. You stupid shit.

Texting while hungover might have been a bad call.]

sumthin just came up got distracted. srry. hope ur not 2 bored dwn there. actually i hope u r

[p_mortem]

Whatever it was, I hope it was more pressing than six girlfriends.
It's not too boring now, since we're making our way back through the death maze. It's keeping me awake.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

please dont put me in a position where i have 2 choose btween talking appropriately to a kid n makin a joke abt girlfriend pressing

wait is that wat u meant wen u said it wasnt all a joke that u have suitors in the death maze. dont make me think rite now man

[p_mortem]

I have beard potential. You can talk to me like an adult without worrying about what you say.
And no, my suitors aren't in the death maze. Or if they are, they haven't told me yet.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

does that mean u have suitors OUTSIDE it???

shld we b talkin abt this or shld u b focusing on the DEATH MAZE wat does that mean xactly

[p_mortem]

My suitors don't exist here, so they don't matter. The death maze doesn't matter either. It's just a bunch of spikes and stuff that makes it hard to walk. We're making our way through it.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

not gettin stabbed matters a little tho

[p_mortem]

A bit late for that. Heard we have healers up above, though, so in the end, it doesn't matter.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank's going to be afk for ten minutes or so, for some mysterious reason he's got to do at least partly hangover related things for a little bit.]

shit ok so im probably going to be almost a presentable human being in like a few hours once u get up come over or send me a pic or something so i can tell ur not bleeding or whatever

[p_mortem]

I'll take care of the bleeding before I see you. Can I ask again what happened? I have a feeling I look more presentable than you do.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

just morning stuff u kno. u also kno wiping blood off doesnt count as taking care of it rite how good r the healers here

[p_mortem]

Right. Got to get that mud off after lying around outside in a storm, huh. The healers here are very good at wiping off blood. I don't know, I've never needed to find one.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

at least tell me ur not like bleeding a lot or something i need to know if u were only stabbed a little

[p_mortem]

I was only stabbed a little. I'm in no danger of bleeding out and dying. Do you think I would text while blinding running myself into spikes?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

...idk where u stand on bein insulted by other ppl so im gonna just keep my mouth shut here

[p_mortem]

You called me a shithead half a dozen times already. I won't be offended.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

well in that case if u r runnin n2 spikes rite now ill call u a double shithead hows that

[p_mortem]

Uh.
Before I comment, you don't like magic, right?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Fuck. He can't get away from this shit, can he?]

cant like wats not fuckin real

srry if u got sumthin 2 say say it u can talk 2 me u kno

[p_mortem]

People like unicorns and aliens even though they're not "real" to them...
I was just going to say, I'm fine because of ~magic~ but that just sounds like a bs excuse now.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

not an excuse if its true r u fine or do u need stuff

[p_mortem]

I'm okay. I'm trying to explain, that if I do anything that sounds stupid, it's because it'll be okay. Does that make sense?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

no

wait fuck sum1 warned me abt this. magic isnt magic u kno. cant think of another way 2 phrase that so stfu. but its like w doctors u still need 2 find 1 n time n all these powers r weird n fiddly so even if u do find sum1 who can magic shit away it might not work the way you want it to

tl;dr if u get urself hurt b/c ur countin on magic 2 save u im gonna be so goddamn pissed

[p_mortem]

So you do get it. Magic makes people believe they're invincible, and in turn, makes them stupid.
But at the same time, it works... Relying on it is one thing, but if it works, you should take advantage of it, or something, right?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

if ur just gonna use it as an excuse 2 do stupid shit ur fuckin full of it