acatalepsy_rpg | [video]

[the video starts of as nothing but static and white noise, a few seconds of black and white chaos that seems like nothing. but then a voice, distant at first, cuts through]

-- ing on? Helloooooo. . .

[a few moments later an image flickers into view along with the audio, although it's grainy and of poor quality. but everyone can see Akira front and center! he seems to be somewhere dark, judging by the poor lighting, and he's seated on the ground with a metal wall (???) behind him]

Oh, perfect. Stay that way for about five minutes? Cool, thanks.

[is he talking to his watch? anyway]

Remember that underground Connor-san was talking about a few days ago? Fooooound it.

[he gives a two-fingered salute as to emphasize his point]

If anyone wants to come tunnel camping with me, I'd appreciate it. It'll be fun. Probably? Probably. Bring food and water though; I haven't eaten or drank anything all day. Maybe also bring tools and explosives and other things that can break through thick metal walls?

[he angles the camera to show the wall against which is sits. it looks pretty sturdy, and it's clear what he's asking in so many words: please break me out of here]

That'd be pretty cool, too.

[somehow, he manages to sound so extremely blase about, um. being trapped in underground tunnels?? he pauses for a moment, as though thinking, before he perks up to speak again]

Oh, right. This place is huge. Probably about as big as the city itself. I wasn't able to wander too far in, but once we manage to break down the entrance, I think we should gather up a bunch of teams to come explore it. If we dive far enough, maybe we'll find something interesting.

[there's a pause as the video feed glitches out for a second or two, Akira's face replaced by more static, more white noise. but eventually he returns, brows furrowed as he flicks at his watch like he's trying to make the damn thing work]

Let me know if you need directions. You'll know you've found the place if you see two people-- [Ryuji and Ann, probably] -- standing outside a giant metal wall yelling at me for getting stuck.

[and that's when the feed cuts out entirely]

((a network post for this here! I don't plan on posting a tunnel exploration log, BUT once Akira's free you can totally handwave and/or thread out your characters exploring the tunnels and finding what's inside that post c: have fun everyone!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, I got it. You can keep throwing goofy jokes in between directions if you want. Gonna guess it'll take like an hour or two to find you.

[sort of weird how he always has a disturbingly accurate estimated time frame. anyway, what he's doing here isn't anything new, from his perspective, but it also sort of ... feels like it? like maybe Dave's got a pile of recalled failure on top of the heap of help he's always ready to give when it comes to his pals. like maybe he's thinking he's not about to let himself fuck up in saving someone again.]

Proooobably. It took me at least a week to find this place, but you have the benefit of my awesome navigational skills.

[speaking of directions, he'll give those now. HANDWAVED AND EVERYTHING]

[and Akira isn't thinking anything about his accurate time estimations. especially since he couches it in approximations and not something more exact]

[god damn, dude, Akira's been protag'ing hard over there. but yeah Dave'll wind his way down to the door, then, and he'll even jabber endlessly along the way. it's just something he does, regardless of whether he has an audience or not, or whether the audience even gives a shit or not. he probably figures it's better than either of them worrying over whether Dave can actually blast down a giant metal wall. sorry, dude!]

[but anyway, did Akira know how completely relentless the robo-janitors here are? it doesn't matter what kind of public art installation you try to set up, the assholes will be there and scrubbing it clean seconds after you're done putting on the finishing touches. and pretty much no medium he's tried is safe.]

[also, he met this one robot who keeps buying up all the weird, often experimental shit he's been rapping up. like a pile of terrible shitty skateboards. he also sold whatever food he made that just came out ... wrong ... he's not a chef, all right? but the guy just handed over the credits while probably having some sort of android aneurysm, because he just kept saying "illogical" over and over again.]

Anyway, if you see a vehicle runnin' entirely on skateboard wheels at the races, that was my fault — oh wait, I think I just found it.

[the door, that is. he gives it an experimental knock.]

[. . . you know what, Akira's going to listen to all of this in UTTER FASCINATION, because what the heck. he's especially intrigued by the android who keeps buying all of Dave's stuff. that's one way to make a living, right? plus, it's kind of nice to hear about some odd, abnormal behaviors among a sea of robots who all think the same]

If I see a vehicle running entirely on skateboard wheels at the races, I'm making a bet that it'll win. By the way, that's me--

[and Akira knocks back in return]

[to the tune of that one song that always plays at the horse racing tracks. which is, apparently this song]

[honestly, that's at least part of why Dave kept going back to sell the android weird and weirder shit — the uniformity of Struxta has bothered him ever since they first arrived.]

I hear you. Might wanna stand back, though — demo's not really high up in my repertoire.

[yeah he has no idea how to handle explosives that didn't just sort of explode on their own volition, much less ones that he literally rapped up to be in the shape of coffee beans, because that wasn't just a joke he was making.]

[no, we're going for the full ironic combustible caboodle here. this is definitely a good idea!]

[Dave why]

Got it. I'll be hanging out on the other end of the tunnel, because I don't exactly have. . . shelter.

[or a barricade with which to protect himself from flying debris]

[he thought it'd be funny, Akira!!]

Yell when you're ready, then. I'm deploying the, uh. Actually, I have no idea if these things are decaf or not. Didn't think to specify.

[saved by coffee!!]

-- did you actually conjure up exploding coffee beans?

Relax, it's just a house blend.

[... because whether they're fancy coffee beans or not is clearly the issue at hand here, Dave. also, congrats are in order, because Akira's taught him enough about fancy coffee beans to be able to differentiate between the two.]

[wow, he's impressed! except for one thing--]

The house blend is the best brew in the entire cafe, don't waste it!

[he'd fight for Leblanc's house blend]

........ Okay, well, this is just gonna have to be the most delicious fucking explosion on this weird underside of Struxta.

Ready?

Hold on--

[give him, like, another minute of silence, before he responds]

All right. All clear. Detonate the coffee bomb in T-minus three, two. . .

[one —]

[and that sure is a hell off a coffee bean explosion, loud enough to wake the dead, or at least, the rest of Struxta. and yes, it is a fucking delicious explosion, because for some reason it now smells like roasted coffee??]

[Dave's joke turned out a lot more literal than he was expecting, but he'll chalk it up as a win. once he's reasonably certain no more beans are going off, he takes a few steps closer to inspect the damage.]

[and unfortunately, even though it smells amazing in here now, the bombs weren't enough to tear down the door — they just tore a hole right at the ignition point, not quite big enough for anyone to crawl through. it's a start, but one of the other volunteer doorbusters is probably going to have to finish the job.]

[..... hm. Dave just ... crouches down next to the hole, and nudges the bigass bag of Doritos he brought with him through. there you go, Akira. it's like they're some weird sort of drive-thru now.]

I've got one more rhyme; you want me to try again, or you want actual coffee?

[THAT IS WHAT GEIR IS FOR. bless the giant dragon]

[Akira can see the Doritos poking through the hole even down the hallway, and he totally darts back to the barrier to scoop them up in like, .5 seconds flat. SWEET FOOD THAT ISN'T THE GRAY STUFF. come to papa!1]

Actual coffee please.

[he is dying (metaphorically speaking) in here]

[are you saying the dishes were lying when they said the gray stuff is delicious.]

[what am i saying we all knew that shit was grodie as fuck.]

All right, dude. I'd charge ya but the till at this drive-thru ain't operational yet. Also, I don't know how to work tills.

[maybe it's a good thing that this is Dave's last rhyme, because now Akira doesn't have to listen to him say dumb shit like what he just got done saying. in any case, after a minute or two of mumbling, he nudges a good ol' cup of joe through the hole in the door. it's probably the kind of coffee that was the first Akira ever ordered from him.]

[yes, absolutely]

[also don't say that, Akira is going to miss being able to listen to Dave say dumb shit, it's one of his favorite pastimes. he does cradle the cup of coffee close, blowing on it so the first sip doesn't scald the top of his mouth. mmmm. it's delicious]

I now know what the nectar of the gods tastes like. [he says solemnly, knowing that Dave can't verbally respond] Thanks, Dave.

[video]

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