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acatalepsy_rpg2018-09-07 03:34 pm
fuck1ngusernam3) wrote in acatalepsy_rpg2018-09-07 03:34 pm
video | dated at the very end of week one
[The video opens on a patch of dirt, a leg stretched out along one edge of the screen. Next to the leg a number of very small muddy spots map out a connect-the-dots picture that more creative minds - or just anyone who's ever been a bored teenager - might recognize as a sort-of accurate depiction of one particular x-rated body part. A voice, cracking and hoarse like it has to drag itself over gravel to get its words out, starts speaking immediately.]
Hey, you know what makes me-
[His coughing is harsh and wet but it's only a few seconds before it stops. Hank mutters a curse under his breath, just audible, and hacks up a loogie, spitting it so it lands just so off the end of the art in the dirt next to him. The dirt there goes wet and dark, and with this artistic rendering of a drop of splooge, his masterpiece is complete. When he leans back the camera's in a different position; in the opposite corner from the dirt the screen shows the massive head of a Saint Bernard, taking up a good part of the screen and the majority of Hank's lap.]
You know what makes me feel better when I'm feeling like shit? Bitching about it. Let's bitch, guys. Tell me how shitty you've got it right now. It's not like anyone's got anything else to do here, right? I mean, not unless someone can get this big furry boulder to unglue itself from my lap. I'd have something to do if he'd just play. Look, watch this, it's pathetic.
Hey, Sumo. Fetch.
[Anyone with motion sickness might want to look away; the screen jerks around wildly as the arm with the camera on it moves to grab a rock and hold it in the air like Hank's going to throw it. Then the screen goes still again as Hank has to lean forward to cough, his dog's big, placid face now taking up the whole view. Sumo gives a single low whuff, lifts his head, and apparently settles himself right over the camera because the screen goes dark. There's the muffled sound of Hank cursing, trying to say Sumo's name between coughs, and then nothing as Hank manages to work his other hand under Sumo's jaw and shut the recording off.]
Hey, you know what makes me-
[His coughing is harsh and wet but it's only a few seconds before it stops. Hank mutters a curse under his breath, just audible, and hacks up a loogie, spitting it so it lands just so off the end of the art in the dirt next to him. The dirt there goes wet and dark, and with this artistic rendering of a drop of splooge, his masterpiece is complete. When he leans back the camera's in a different position; in the opposite corner from the dirt the screen shows the massive head of a Saint Bernard, taking up a good part of the screen and the majority of Hank's lap.]
You know what makes me feel better when I'm feeling like shit? Bitching about it. Let's bitch, guys. Tell me how shitty you've got it right now. It's not like anyone's got anything else to do here, right? I mean, not unless someone can get this big furry boulder to unglue itself from my lap. I'd have something to do if he'd just play. Look, watch this, it's pathetic.
Hey, Sumo. Fetch.
[Anyone with motion sickness might want to look away; the screen jerks around wildly as the arm with the camera on it moves to grab a rock and hold it in the air like Hank's going to throw it. Then the screen goes still again as Hank has to lean forward to cough, his dog's big, placid face now taking up the whole view. Sumo gives a single low whuff, lifts his head, and apparently settles himself right over the camera because the screen goes dark. There's the muffled sound of Hank cursing, trying to say Sumo's name between coughs, and then nothing as Hank manages to work his other hand under Sumo's jaw and shut the recording off.]
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[He's actually perking up a little, enough to sort of straighten up and turn the watch toward his face.]
That one'd be real good about now. Just maybe try to keep the 'hey maybe things will get even better and your dog's gonna die' stuff down to a minimum, okay? A good bitching session's one thing, but I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
[Says Hank, who probably owns at least a couple plots of land in Negativity-ville. Whatever. The mental real estate he owns in the land of Denial mean he doesn't have to worry about that, so it's fine.]
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Fair call. [ It isn’t like what happens matters to her at the end of the day and she doesn’t gain anything by bringing down some old looking man. ]
Bitch about being here... it’s annoying, I didn’t give any fuckface permission to drag my corpse here and bring live back to it. Sure, there are some pros, but it wasn’t my choice.
[ Neither is having died but,
Yknow
Nobody can control that. ]
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[Hank stares into his watch, trying to get a better look at her, but it's not like he'd be able to tell if she looked like someone who's fucking died. Sometimes actual corpses don't even look like they've died. He's seen enough crime scenes to know that.
You know what? This fucking 'witch zapping people to another planet to do interdimensional community service' shit is weird enough, this might as well happen.]
Shit, that's, uh... That's rough. You know what, if we were having a pissing contest, you'd win. Congratulations, I uh, I guess?
[Yeah. He's the king of sympathy, he knows it. But how the hell are you supposed to react to being told something like that?]
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[ She doesn't know what sort of reaction she expected or wanted. After all, it's a pretty weird situation to find yourself into and it's even weirder news to have to tell someone. But, Kaine being who she just shrugs it off. ]
It's not horrible. I do get to see my friends again. [ So that's some sort of bonus because she can't see them if she's dead.
Unless she became a ghost, but, that sounds like bullshit. ]
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[He pauses, grimacing, to clear his throat, and relaxes a little when it doesn't turn into a cough.]
-to give out prizes. You can pet my dog? Or, hey, my art skills are obviously second to none.
[He turns the screen toward the spit-outline he'd been making in the dirt beside him when he'd started this whole video thing in the first place, just as a reminder. Clearly, taking advantage of Hank's rude-doodling skills would be a real opportunity.]
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[ she doesn't trust luck much though. eh, details. ]
Dog. [ sorry, hank, you seem great and that art is a+, but she's got a light weakness for creatures that are friendly. ost of the time. she rubs her nose, wrinkling it a little as she sniffles. ]
It looks like he won't hurt a fly.
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[Hank gives a kind of sheepish little grin and then rubs Sumo behind an ear, looking down at him.]
Yeah, sounds like you got his number already. But yeah, no, he's safe. He won't uh, try to eat your eyeballs or anything just for touching him.
[Is sort-of-joking about mauling to someone who died under unknown circumstances a social faux pas? Probably. Well, it's done now.]
But moving around's kind of a pain right now anyway, isn't it? Feel free to collect your prize whenever.
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he is letting her pat the dog. ]
Glad to hear my eyeballs are safe. [ she wouldn’t recommend eating them in the first place. not for a normal bring anyway. ]
This flu or whatever the fuck it is, is really kicking everyone’s ass, huh? I can agree it’s a pain to move right now. I’d rather be in a better state if I’m gonna do something fun.
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[And hey, here's Hank's body punishing him for ranting by reminding him that, hey, you talk that much at once and your throat doesn't like it, dumbass. Once the coughing stops he takes half a breath, hacks up something nasty and spits it onto the dirt, and then remembers to pay attention to his camera.]
What was I... Right. Normal. This place is too fuckin weird to be this mundane and stupid. Can't get my head around it.
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Make sure you drink some water. I just got here too, so no idea what the fuck is going on, but... ain't no use straining ourselves until our bodies get over this bullshit.
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Yeah. If I end up in the kitchen I'll try to remember to do that.
[His voice is genuine, if a little awkward. As he goes on, the awkward only gets stronger.]
Uh. You too. Gotta uh, stay hydrated so we can stick around for all that world saving bullshit, right?
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Maybe you should head to the kitchen now...? [ it isn't often that she actually shows that she 'cares' for one's wellbeing, nor push it. but, she doesn't want to be the one who watches him pass out. ]
Saving the world... it's always saving the world. Ugh. I've got people who will make sure I don't do anything stupid.
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That sounds like a pain. [He can't believe he's saying that. 'Ooh, saving the world, that sounds like a pain,' the same way he'd show sympathy for someone with, say, a fuckin ingrown toenail. Well, whatever. This is a dream; the weird factor's fine.] I mean I only have to save like, a couple people a day, and that's on a busy day. Saving the whole world at home too, sounds like it'd be a little much.
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It’s not the worst thing in the world. [ Does what Kainè and Nier have to do count as saving the world?? It was more let the world die if anything, but details. It’s basically the same thing, one is just going good while the other is fucking everyone over at the same time. ]
Just let others do all the real heavy lifting.
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[In absence of anywhere else to take it after that Hank turns his wrist to put the camera up real close to Sumo's face, since she seemed to like him. He grabs one side of Sumo's drooping mouth, knowing he won't mind, and pulls it upward so it looks like Sumo is smiling.
Don't, don't judge him for this, okay. It's been a long afternoon - a long week - and he is so, so bored.]
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[ Okay.
He's got her there. There's a small twitch at the corner of her lips and Kainé glances away as she finds herself smiling. It's cute to see what Hank is going to Sumo, something rather amusing about it too. ] You're not half bad yourself.
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What, that only got me half a compliment? What's my other half, then?
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[ maybe.
who knows. it will depend on how she feels. ]
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[He reconsiders, looking down and rubbing idly at the fur between Sumo's shoulders.]
Actually, no it's not. Are you saying you're gonna bribe me to pet my dog, cause uh, pretty sure I'm not supposed to take bribes.
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Take it however you want. Petting the dog is the goal, earning my trust is the bonus part in order to get more compliments. [ she is being honest at least. ]
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[ jkz, it takes her three weeks to feel human again. ]
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