video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[fuck1ngusernam3]

big difference between that and telling ppl 2 fuck off u dont have 2 be a doormat 2 b a good person

[p_mortem]

Being a doormat isn't so bad. They're useful.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

i dont even kno wat 2 do with that. ok so 4 now if theres sum1 u dont want 2 piss off u just send them 2 me n well work on turnin u n2 a door nstead of a doormat later

[p_mortem]

I'd be sending everybody to you, I might as well hire you as my secretary.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

u want no 1 visiting u evr? thats how u get no 1 visiting u evr

[p_mortem]

I thought a secretary would help me triage.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

its only important if u want 2 do it there triaged

[p_mortem]

You're fired.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

sumo can be ur next secretary every1 wll come 2 pet him thats more wat u want rite

[p_mortem]

Yes, absolutely. Tell him he's hired, effective immediately. People can come pet him and I can just sit there and watch, that would be perfect.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

he can only distract ur suitors 4 so long u kno hes not a great guard dog

[p_mortem]

As long as he's going his best, that's all I can ask for. He just needs to distract them long enough for me to escape if necessary.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

cant watch n escape at the same time tho got 2 choose

[p_mortem]

I can watch while backing up slowly...

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[But slipping a nice, normal conversation between all the others Hank's been having can only keep Hank on an even keel through so much weird shit, and suddenly Hank's waking up about midmorning the next day with a construction crew hammering on the inside of his skull and one unread text in his inbox. Shit. He completely forgot about Minato.]

srry kid didnt mean 2 leave u hanging. those hoards of visitors trample u while i was gone

[p_mortem]

[ Thanks, Hank! He felt like a teenage girl waiting on her phone all night for a text from her crush that never comes. By the next morning, he's just a bit cranky from having to sleep on the hard stone ground, but the small blessings is that they're finally coming back up to the surface, hopefully before that self-imposed 24 hour time limit is up. ]

I've been overrun by suitors and have have six girlfriends now.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

😆havent figured out how 2 say no yet huh

also thx 4 the laugh i needed that

[p_mortem]

It wasn't all a joke. But whatever. Did something happen?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

uh

[Hank you're texting why did you send that, you didn't have to say that. You stupid shit.

Texting while hungover might have been a bad call.]

sumthin just came up got distracted. srry. hope ur not 2 bored dwn there. actually i hope u r

[p_mortem]

Whatever it was, I hope it was more pressing than six girlfriends.
It's not too boring now, since we're making our way back through the death maze. It's keeping me awake.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

please dont put me in a position where i have 2 choose btween talking appropriately to a kid n makin a joke abt girlfriend pressing

wait is that wat u meant wen u said it wasnt all a joke that u have suitors in the death maze. dont make me think rite now man

[p_mortem]

I have beard potential. You can talk to me like an adult without worrying about what you say.
And no, my suitors aren't in the death maze. Or if they are, they haven't told me yet.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

does that mean u have suitors OUTSIDE it???

shld we b talkin abt this or shld u b focusing on the DEATH MAZE wat does that mean xactly

[p_mortem]

My suitors don't exist here, so they don't matter. The death maze doesn't matter either. It's just a bunch of spikes and stuff that makes it hard to walk. We're making our way through it.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

not gettin stabbed matters a little tho