video | dated at the very end of week one

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[The video opens on a patch of dirt, a leg stretched out along one edge of the screen. Next to the leg a number of very small muddy spots map out a connect-the-dots picture that more creative minds - or just anyone who's ever been a bored teenager - might recognize as a sort-of accurate depiction of one particular x-rated body part. A voice, cracking and hoarse like it has to drag itself over gravel to get its words out, starts speaking immediately.]

Hey, you know what makes me-

[His coughing is harsh and wet but it's only a few seconds before it stops. Hank mutters a curse under his breath, just audible, and hacks up a loogie, spitting it so it lands just so off the end of the art in the dirt next to him. The dirt there goes wet and dark, and with this artistic rendering of a drop of splooge, his masterpiece is complete. When he leans back the camera's in a different position; in the opposite corner from the dirt the screen shows the massive head of a Saint Bernard, taking up a good part of the screen and the majority of Hank's lap.]

You know what makes me feel better when I'm feeling like shit? Bitching about it. Let's bitch, guys. Tell me how shitty you've got it right now. It's not like anyone's got anything else to do here, right? I mean, not unless someone can get this big furry boulder to unglue itself from my lap. I'd have something to do if he'd just play. Look, watch this, it's pathetic.

Hey, Sumo. Fetch. 

[Anyone with motion sickness might want to look away; the screen jerks around wildly as the arm with the camera on it moves to grab a rock and hold it in the air like Hank's going to throw it. Then the screen goes still again as Hank has to lean forward to cough, his dog's big, placid face now taking up the whole view. Sumo gives a single low whuff, lifts his head, and apparently settles himself right over the camera because the screen goes dark. There's the muffled sound of Hank cursing, trying to say Sumo's name between coughs, and then nothing as Hank manages to work his other hand under Sumo's jaw and shut the recording off.]

Comments

[fairysong]

They're powers, and they're obviously magical. Not even nanotech or neural implants could do what I can do here. Why do you care so much about what people call them?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Cause it's stupid. Magic's not real. None of this can be real! That doesn't... get to you, or anything, at all?

[fairysong]

So just think of it as science you don't understand yet.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Science is stupid too, haven't you seen the dumbfuck nonsense people get up to when they get too much of it?

[fairysong]

If you don't like magic and you don't like science, what do you like? You can't just go through life hating everything.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[He barely stifles a laugh in time to avoid another coughing fit, settling for clearing his throat and looking satisfied with himself, instead.]

Did you know what that would sound like when you said it, kid? Cause that sounds to me like a challenge.

[fairysong]

It isn't.

[Shrug.] I mean, you can do whatever you want. I'm not stopping you.

But you're going to have a real tough time of it if you insist on being mad about everything that happens here. Venting's one thing. Holding a grudge is another.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

You got experience with that, huh?

[He shrugs.]

Don't worry, I save my grudges for important stuff. A Hank Anderson grudge is something you got to earn, not something that just gets given to you out of the blue.

[fairysong]

I knew a boy who seemed to be grumpy and irritated about everything. And I'm sorry, but you're not nearly as pretty as he was, which was the only thing that almost made it tolerable.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[He bursts into coughing, painful laughter.]

Shit, don't go easy on me or anything. At least I don't use pretty as an excuse to be a downer, doesn't that count for something?

[fairysong]

I don't know if I'd call him a downer; more of a grouch. There's a difference.

I don't think you've given me any excuse to be a downer at all. It seems like it comes naturally!

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Exactly! It's like the difference between a blonde and a bottle blonde. And you've gotta do what comes naturally, I mean, you'd know that, with your singing and all.

i'm really enjoying these two so far LMAO

[fairysong]

Oh, I see how it is. Fish swim, birds fly, I sing, and you see everything through jade-colored glasses?

XD yeah she calls him on his shit, I like it

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Ha! [He points a finger at the screen and then shakes his hand at it, an approving gesture.] I've never heard that one before, that's a good one. I don't know how good they'd look on me, but yeah, that's me, got em strapped to my face right now. Does that make it any more bearable, or am I still out of luck?

she's very good at that. it's getting called out on her own that she's not great at

[fairysong]

Interesting fashion statement, but you're still not as pretty as he is.

I suppose you can't help doing what you're going to do, though~

seeing what happens if he ever does should be interesting then

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Yeah, nature and shit. Nature designed me to be a grump, that's why I'm not as pretty as your friend. You can't really grump it up until you look in the mirror every morning like- [He pulls an exaggeratedly disgusted face. Which actually sort of is how he looks in the mirror every morning, so. Accurate.] And you know what? Really generous of you to acknowledge that, like, despite my whole... face. That must be really hard for you.

[fairysong]

[That expression he makes actually gets her to laugh.] I see I've met a true master of grouchiness! If that useless flyboy ever shows up, I'll have to send him to you for a real lesson.

[It's kind of funny how "useless flyboy" can sound so affectionate.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Oh yeah, send him over. It's a shame when talent doesn't reach its full potential.

[Making her laugh has Hank grinning - which doesn't negate his new status as Alpha Grump, or anything. The alpha grump can smile if he wants to.]

[fairysong]

[Laughing feels nice. It makes her head hurt, but it feels nice.] To think, I'd find the legendary prophesied grump on a planet like this.

...Hank Anderson, was it? Your name?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Why?

[He leans back, raising his eyebrows with a smile that's mostly amused, actually a little bit wary.]

If you're about to tell me there's an actual prophecy I'm gonna scream, and probably sic Sumo on you.

[He considers his dog.]

If you're willing to stay in one place for like, twenty minutes, I might be able to get him to roll over on your foot. So. Careful what you say.

[fairysong]

[Again, a laugh.] I just wanted to make sure I had your name correct from earlier. That's all.

Sheryl. In case you need a name for your dog to go after.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

I’ll let him know.

[He pats Sumo’s side, listening to the dog heave a sigh. There won’t be much going after anyone for this guy.]

Sheryl. That your stage name too? I mean, it’s nice and everything, but it doesn’t feel very... popstar-y.

[fairysong]

You must not be imagining it right. Think of it written in huge, glowing, cursive font. Sheryl. [Making a little rainbow gesture with her hands in front of her.]

They called me the Galactic Fairy, too, but really-- ask anyone from Eden to Earth if they know who Sheryl is, and that's all you need.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Huh.

[He thinks this over.]

You know I can't ask any of those people, right? The fairy thing's showier, but... Maybe I've just been paying attention to the wrong kind of music. Or maybe it does look better up in lights.

[fairysong]

I know. You'll just have to take my word for it! [She says, cheerfully.]

Maybe you're just not used to the world I come from. Say, what year is it for you, anyway? Back home, I mean.