voice & text | week two

[hauhra]

Since we’re all feeling a little under the weather this month, I thought of a way we could still have fun while we’re rotting away in our beds from boredom: a choose-your-own-adventure game.

I understand that this might be a new concept for some of you, so I’ll explain how the game works before we get started. I’ll give you a single prompt to start with. Your job is to reply to my prompt and wait for more information from me. I’ll then give you another prompt based on what actions you took in your response… in other words, it’s a bit like collaborative storytelling. However, only one writer can establish the setting, and that’s me.

Got it?

Now… let’s begin.

Weary traveler! The spooky, demon castle that you had set out for when you started your journey to slay its lord months ago is upon you. It rests atop high cliffs, its darkened towers and turrets looming over the forest surrounding it. It appears to be guarded only by a drawbridge. But be careful! It hovers above treacherous waters. Try not to fall in.

How do you wish to proceed?

>_

Comments

[hauhra]

...I should have expected nothing less from you, Malik.

But very well! Ahem. Your lackey enters the castle as directed, where he is met by a pair of large and intimidating trolls, each bearing a club embedded with spikes.

What will you have him do now?

[godcards]

I didn't send him in there to lose... Tell me more about these trolls and then I will decide.

[hauhra]

Perhaps not, but you also can't expect the final boss to just welcome you with open arms, either. However, just because you've clearly never played any games that aren't Duel Monsters doesn't mean that I have to be an inconsiderate Dungeon Master, so I'll honor your request this time.

Trolls are a solitary and ancient race in the Kingdom of Monsly, known for their strength as much as their lack of wit. They look no different from human beings save for their size, though this similarity will not stop them from clubbing your lackey to death and eating him for dinner. Their weaknesses include sunlight, lightning, and church bells.

How will your lackey proceed?

[godcards]

Shoot them with lightning and proceed further.

That's easy.

[hauhra]

The lightning bolts electrify the trolls' insides, killing them instantly. Their corpses collapse, allowing your lackey to pass them by safely. However, they're not out of danger just yet. Unfortunately for him, one of the trolls was also responsible for holding the castle's iron door open. The moment that troll falls, so does the door, the spiked bottom piercing through a number of your lackey's vital limbs, including his head and his shoulders. He lies dead just like the trolls on either side of him.

How do you wish to proceed?

[godcards]

If he's that stupid to be killed by a door of all things, he is of no use to me. Send someone else in. The trolls are dead so there is no immediate threat... Lackey 2 can venture deeper into the castle.

[hauhra]

Lackey 2 steps over the dead bodies, pinching his nose because of the stench. Once inside, he is greeted by an empty throne. He can either ascend the staircase leading to the throne, or he can ascend the tower to his left.

Which staircase will his master choose?

[godcards]

He will ascend the staircase to the throne, avoiding any hazards that may be in the immediate vicinity.

[hauhra]

[ um excuse you there is only room for one godmoder in this post and that is bakura ]

Does he dare to sit on the dark lord's throne?

[godcards]

[ :) ]

Not without my express permission... and the only one here who is going to be sitting on any thrones is ME. However... Now is not the time. Is there anything else of note? Is the throne pristine? Tell me what it is like.

[hauhra]

The throne is indeed pristine, its golden arms shining under the light of the chandelier on the ceiling. It is draped in red and carefully embroidered fabric. Behind it hangs an ornate tapestry, bordered on either side by two torches.

By the way, while your lackeys have been exploring the castle, you yourself have been left to the mercy of the environment... unfortunately, an archer has spotted you waiting at the drawbridge as you wait for your lackey to return from his mission. He fires an arrow and successfully pierces you through the heart, prompting uncontrollable gushes of blood. Eventually, your body collapses from the blood loss, waiting to be found by your lackey when he returns from the adventure he is carrying out on your behalf.

[godcards]

WHAT

NO!!! You can't do that!! I will not accept such a fate from an underhanded tactic such as that. No, I can't even call it a tactic. You simply had to make something up because you were afraid that I would secure my victory! Well guess what Bakura... Unless you can prove where I am, I was NOT pierced by any arrow and I am NOT dead! I'm no fool, I wouldn't be out in the open for just anyone to see, you know. My power is absolute! I can control anyone from distances far greater than just the entrance of your meager castle! You cannot best me this way and I won't let you. I've done what I could to play along with your little game, Bakura, and I'll have you know that your slight against me isn't going to be forgotten so easily either!

[hauhra]

It would seem that you neglected to read one very important thing about this game, Malik, and that was the rules. But if it's a reminder you need, then it's a reminder you'll get. You see, Malik, this little choose-your-own-adventure game is my game... the only one who can establish the setting is me, the Dungeon Master. And nowhere in this setting do the Millennium Items exist... in this world, you are an ordinary adventurer just like everyone else. I, on the other hand, can do whatever I want, because that is the power of the Dungeon Master as the god of this world I've created!

[godcards]

I didn't agree to these rules. Un-kill me or I'm not playing anymore.

[hauhra]

By choosing to play my game, you agreed to abide by my rules, Malik Ishtar. If you think they're cowardly, or even unfair, then you're more than welcome to make one of your own, but until you do, remember that you're in my world, where the only player that's in any position to be making demands of anyone is me.

[godcards]

UN-KILL ME THIS INSTANT, BAKURA!!

[hauhra]

> Would you like to try again?

[godcards]

NO, I would NOT like to try again! I would like to continue because I am NOT DEAD, you insolent fool! Lackey 2 can secure my throne. Any ill fortune that befalls him is his own doing. A sacrifice for my goal. It it will be MY THRONE and I WIN THE GAME!! AND THEN I WILL RULE OVER THE KINGDOM AND ALL FIENDS AND GHOULS WILL BE MY SUBJECTS ALONG WITH THE MEAGER TOWNSFOLK!! ALL OF THEM WILL HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME

[hauhra]

I didn't think you would be so into roleplaying, Malik.

However, as much as I admire your enthusiasm, I can't give you special treatment, even if we were partners prior to arriving here, because that simply wouldn't be very fair to the other players. I'm afraid you'll have to start from the beginning just like everyone else, especially if you're going to send lackeys in your place instead of going on the adventure yourself.

[ the one and only time bakura gives a shit about being fair ]

[godcards]

No! I have HAD IT with your game, Bakura! Your poor strategy and heavy handed style of play no longer interest me, so I am leaving

[hauhra]

My poor strategy?! Last I checked, the one who didn't know all of his trump card's abilities was you, and that's what cost us the duel that got us here in the first place!

[godcards]

Oh? Did you ever consider that card wouldn’t have been an issue if you had focused on defeating our opponent instead of wasting all your life points?!

[hauhra]

It's not like I could use the Ouija Board strategy because he had already seen it through you... that gave me no choice but to try something else, and that's why I had to give up those life points. It was necessary for our victory, and it would have worked, too, if it weren't for that one-turn kill ability.

Besides, you're one to talk about strategy when you weren't fighting half of your own battles even before that body-snatcher showed up!

[godcards]

That WAS my strategy. I’m not about to put myself at risk when I have the Ghouls to do my legwork for me. You should know better, Bakura. I have a lot of ground to cover, and I can’t be everywhere at once... Not physically anyway. Besides, using my Rare Hunters let me see everyone else’s strategies so I could firm my own. I have plans, Bakura, and I mean to achieve them. You didn’t forget that, did you? If I recall, you had your own goals you were working towards...

[hauhra]

Surely you could have fought your own battles once we had gotten to the Battle City semi-finals, though.

But instead, you boarded the Battle Ship as Namu while leaving baldy to fight on your behalf, almost as though you were afraid that the vessel and his pathetic little friends might retaliate the moment they found out who you really were. You do know that the only ones among them that could pose a very real threat to your physical well-being are Jonouchi and possibly Honda, right? And that you would still have been perfectly fine with baldy and fortune cookie on board, yeah? Face it, Malik. You're just lame and too cowardly to admit it. Don't try to deflect by bringing my plans into this when you're the one who kept changing the terms of our original agreement on short notice.