voice & text | week two

[hauhra]

Since we’re all feeling a little under the weather this month, I thought of a way we could still have fun while we’re rotting away in our beds from boredom: a choose-your-own-adventure game.

I understand that this might be a new concept for some of you, so I’ll explain how the game works before we get started. I’ll give you a single prompt to start with. Your job is to reply to my prompt and wait for more information from me. I’ll then give you another prompt based on what actions you took in your response… in other words, it’s a bit like collaborative storytelling. However, only one writer can establish the setting, and that’s me.

Got it?

Now… let’s begin.

Weary traveler! The spooky, demon castle that you had set out for when you started your journey to slay its lord months ago is upon you. It rests atop high cliffs, its darkened towers and turrets looming over the forest surrounding it. It appears to be guarded only by a drawbridge. But be careful! It hovers above treacherous waters. Try not to fall in.

How do you wish to proceed?

>_

Comments

[crystallomancy]

[ Oh... This might be a fun way to pass the time while he lowkey feels like dying. ]

Well, seeing as the lord will no doubt be expecting my arrival through the front door, and I'm not fond of incurring injury if I can help it...
>Cast a spell enabling the user to fly, in order to reach the castle and find a way in from above.

[hauhra]

[ Bodies are terrible. 0/10 do not recommend. He wants to go back to being dead immediately. ]

By flying above the castle, you have successfully avoided the trolls that were waiting for you at its doors, o wise adventurer! However, you have failed to take into account that medieval castles are guarded from above as well as from below. The watchman spots you from his tower and calls the archers to their marks. They loose their arrows on you from their perch. You tumble out of the sky and fall into the treacherous waters below, where crocodiles tear your remains limb from limb.

Try again?

text

[lavabend]

Okay, but first. Question: Why exactly, am I setting out for this spooky demon castle?

[hauhra]

Because the demonic lord inside had reduced your entire village to ashes when you were just a child, compelling you to seek revenge on behalf of your loved ones.

[ he might be projecting a little. ]

[godcards]

I send someone else in to check for me.

[hauhra]

...I should have expected nothing less from you, Malik.

But very well! Ahem. Your lackey enters the castle as directed, where he is met by a pair of large and intimidating trolls, each bearing a club embedded with spikes.

What will you have him do now?

[metagame]

[wow all the responses have ended exactly how he thought they’d end] Some things don't change... You're still a player killing scumbag.

[hauhra]

[ new name who dis ]

What in the world are you talking about? Do I know you from somewhere?

[sendinthecavalry]

>drop onto castle roof via spaceship
>break in
>dispose of guards
>slay the terrible demon lord and look awesome while doing so
>idk get a sandwich or something

[lavabend]

We can do that?! If I knew this, I wouldn't have died so quickly!

[hauhra]

[ wow you are all so bad at this game ]

As you order your sandwich, the shopkeep suddenly leaps over the counter, slashing your body to pieces to avenge the demonic lord, who was in fact his master and had planted him in that village's sandwich shop to scout out those who might dare to defy his evil will. He then abandons the shop for his Master's castle, where his black magic will resurrect his Master from the dead as the blood of the Kingdom of Monsly's single ray of hope pools on the floor, filling the air with its stench.

Try again?

[twitter]

>knock knock knock knock knock

[hauhra]

Alerted to your presence by your incessant knocking, the door handle suddenly springs to life, its iron bars growing teeth in the blink of an eye. It clamps down on your fist, refusing to let go until it has consumed most of your arm. Unfortunately for you, by the time it reaches your shoulders, it has decided that it enjoys the taste of human flesh, and opens its jaw impossibly wide to swallow the rest of you, leaving nothing left for the next adventurer to stumble upon even as a warning to abstain from interrupting its slumber as it digests your bleeding corpse.

Would you like to try again?

Voice

[unrecovered]

[Hang on, this format looks familiar, not to mention hilariously old.]

Is this Zork?

[hauhra]

No, this is Bakura.

[ His speech is as soft as his host's in an attempt to mask his connection to the demonic god. ]

[moochobliged]

i want to look for food

>look for food? like that?

[hauhra]

Yes, exactly like that.

However, as you survey the area for any possible sources of food, you will slowly come to realize that your only options are to either brave the castle in hopes of finding something akin to a kitchen or a storage room, or to venture into the Forbidden Forest, where a variety of fruits and nuts could possibly be growing on the trees. It's too bad it never occurred to you to replenish your food supply in the last town you were in prior to moving on to the spooky, demon castle.

Well, adventurer? What will it be? Will you try your hand at entering the castle, or dare the perils of the Forbidden Forest to ease the growling of your stomach?

[purrtagonist]

> take a nap

[hauhra]

As you lay your head down on the ground, a hand launches from the ground, its flesh rotting away from the bone and its stench pungent. Its fingers curl around your wrist and grip it tightly, yanking your entire body into the depths of the soil below. There the hand will hold you in place so that the lich to whom it belongs can feast upon your flesh until the bones are picked clean, rendering them ripe for the lich to turn into yet another unwilling servant for its growing army comprised of undead soldiers.

Would you like to try again?

voice;

[jonouchifire]

[Extremely.

Dubious.]

Does the game have a board?

'Cause if the game has a board, I flip the board.

[hauhra]

No, Jonouchi, because you see, this is a text-based game. But if that's the action you'll insist on, then very well: your character smacks themselves in the face with a board, the surface striking their skull hard enough to make it bleed until your character dies from their self-inflicted injury. It's a fitting death for a player with gaming etiquette as consistently bad as yours, especially when no one was even forcing you to play this time.

[activatingcombatmode]

[What the hell he didn't know there was games on his smart-watch fitbit thing??]

>Check inventory? What do I got on me? I need some weapons if I'm going to be kicking some demon ass.

[hauhra]

[ It's about time someone played this game the right way. ]

At your hips is your trusty sword that you've carried with you since the start of your quest to slay the lord of the spooky, demon castle, which you inherited from your blacksmith father before his death. It's a fitting weapon for your revenge, though other, more powerful weapons could be lurking inside the castle. Still, this sword has gotten you this far already, and should be enough to at least get your foot in the door.

However, in your rucksack are additional weapons that you've picked up on your travels, including a sling and a spear. Also included are a shield and a gauntlet for your protection. It looks like raiding all of those pots and barrels for items is finally about to pay off!

How would you like to proceed?

[gandora]

[ Yugi didn’t need to know who this was. He didn’t need to try to place the voice...the game...none of it. He decides to respond in text, just to give himself some manner of civility... ]

bakura. maybe you should save this kind of thing for when people are feeling better. misery and death aren’t typically very good distractions.

[hauhra]

[ wow no one asked u for crit, vessel :\ don't make him flounce like the huge baby he is ]

It's only a game, Yugi... it's not as though anyone's actually died this time. Besides, a game set in a spooky, demon castle isn't exactly going to be a ray of sunshine. It would completely destroy the tone of the game.

[imperialsun]

[VIDEO GAME EMULATOR. HIS FAVORITE.]

> Check inventory.

[hauhra]

Your inventory is categorized into two sections, each designed to help you find the Items you need quickly. These categories include Weapons and Materials. In your Weapons pocket, you'll be able to see all of the Weapons and Armor you've collected in your adventures leading up to this moment. In your Materials pocket, you'll have access to everything from food to medicine to raw materials that you can trade with the people in the towns for more items or even money.

Which pocket would you like to examine?

voice;

[cuedoves]

[ did someone ask for captain buzzkill?? no?? well, here he is anyway. ]

This seems like a huge waste of time.

[hauhra]

Then why are you wasting both your time and mine by responding?