video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[fuck1ngusernam3]

wat r u sayin i dont have needs. a rich inner life n all that shit

[p_mortem]

Uh. I feel like anything I say here would be offensive.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

im not scared of bein offended bring it on

[p_mortem]

You spend a long time texting a kid like me, so I question your rich inner life.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

shit is that it thats more a dig on urself than me

[p_mortem]

It's both. But I don't offend easily, so that part doesn't matter.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

has ny1 seriously evr been offended by stuff THEY said about THEMSELVES tho. like ud kind of have 2 take urself by surprise 4 that. n theres not much u can say abt me that wld surprise me nyway so dont worry 2 much

[p_mortem]

Sometimes thoughts get dark and malicious, even if it's directed at yourself, and it could be offensive on hindsight. But it looks like you know yourself well, huh? Usually, people spend entire lives trying to figure themselves out.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

wow this is gettin serious uh. i guess im just 2 old 4 all that navel gazin bs

[It's not a lie if the part of him that mostly believes it is the part that's talking right now, right? The part that's never too old for too much stupid navel gazing isn't getting a pass to talk to this kid, not now, and not ever.]

[p_mortem]

How old do I have to be before I can brush things off using "old age" as an excuse?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

not sure im not old enuf 2 get away w lots of old guy stuff yet but i think u can use watevr excuses u want its just that ppl mite not believe u. u can probly use the teen excuse tho. local teen 2 gud 4 this shit

[p_mortem]

You have a beard, you're old enough. Nobody believes in teenager anyways. Not even other teenagers.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

ur old enuf 4 a beard 2 maybe that doesnt mean much. u can brush shit off w watevr excuse u want tho its all abt attitude

[p_mortem]

I've been trying for seventeen years but there's been a disappointing lack of chin hair. It's not like I have trouble brushing things off, either... People just aren't usually okay with "I'm not doing this, because I don't want to."

[fuck1ngusernam3]

like i said its all attitude. the attitude of ‘if they dont like it they can kiss my ass’. whys it ur problem wat ppl r ok with

[p_mortem]

Desire to keep the peace. Weren't you the one who gave me the whole "don't become a super villain" spiel?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

so wait bein a dick = world domination? wat do u think a supervillain does walk around bein rude

[p_mortem]

Yeah.
There's doing what you want, and then doing what you want while knowing it hurts people. That sort of difference.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

big difference between that and telling ppl 2 fuck off u dont have 2 be a doormat 2 b a good person

[p_mortem]

Being a doormat isn't so bad. They're useful.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

i dont even kno wat 2 do with that. ok so 4 now if theres sum1 u dont want 2 piss off u just send them 2 me n well work on turnin u n2 a door nstead of a doormat later

[p_mortem]

I'd be sending everybody to you, I might as well hire you as my secretary.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

u want no 1 visiting u evr? thats how u get no 1 visiting u evr

[p_mortem]

I thought a secretary would help me triage.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

its only important if u want 2 do it there triaged