acatalepsy_rpg | video | dated at the very end of week one

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video | dated at the very end of week one

[The video opens on a patch of dirt, a leg stretched out along one edge of the screen. Next to the leg a number of very small muddy spots map out a connect-the-dots picture that more creative minds - or just anyone who's ever been a bored teenager - might recognize as a sort-of accurate depiction of one particular x-rated body part. A voice, cracking and hoarse like it has to drag itself over gravel to get its words out, starts speaking immediately.]

Hey, you know what makes me-

[His coughing is harsh and wet but it's only a few seconds before it stops. Hank mutters a curse under his breath, just audible, and hacks up a loogie, spitting it so it lands just so off the end of the art in the dirt next to him. The dirt there goes wet and dark, and with this artistic rendering of a drop of splooge, his masterpiece is complete. When he leans back the camera's in a different position; in the opposite corner from the dirt the screen shows the massive head of a Saint Bernard, taking up a good part of the screen and the majority of Hank's lap.]

You know what makes me feel better when I'm feeling like shit? Bitching about it. Let's bitch, guys. Tell me how shitty you've got it right now. It's not like anyone's got anything else to do here, right? I mean, not unless someone can get this big furry boulder to unglue itself from my lap. I'd have something to do if he'd just play. Look, watch this, it's pathetic.

Hey, Sumo. Fetch.

[Anyone with motion sickness might want to look away; the screen jerks around wildly as the arm with the camera on it moves to grab a rock and hold it in the air like Hank's going to throw it. Then the screen goes still again as Hank has to lean forward to cough, his dog's big, placid face now taking up the whole view. Sumo gives a single low whuff, lifts his head, and apparently settles himself right over the camera because the screen goes dark. There's the muffled sound of Hank cursing, trying to say Sumo's name between coughs, and then nothing as Hank manages to work his other hand under Sumo's jaw and shut the recording off.]

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[Absolute terror and confusion flicker across Firo's face, only tamped down when he decides that he cannot, will not dare think on that first question and its implications. No fucking way. Do not tell him anything about your ass or thermometers, even in jest.]

No. I'm not an animal guy.

[Unbidden, some knowledge that he really should have no way of having surfaces in his mind. He winces and tries not to think about it, especially not for this guy.

...Although... Obviously the dog has done nothing to Firo, so he shouldn't suffer fallout from his owner's transgressions. Firo sighs at his own internal debate.]

...How's his nose and his breathing?

Uh.

[It takes Hank a second to get his head around the sudden change, the random shift to this guy actually being genuine and maybe even a little concerned. But he does look at Sumo again, noticing nothing more than he did the first time he looked.]

I don't know, his nose is wet? He's breathing fine.

[He frowns at the camera, looking baffled and expectant, like Firo's gonna be like, 'For my first trick, I turned myself into a helpful human being! For my next, I will pull a rabbit straight out of this hat!' Well, that or he'll just keep being helpful. Hank's not actually sure which one it's going to be.]

[Firo contains multitudes--amidst all the multitudes of being an asshole, there are some shreds of decency.

He nods and cards his fingers back through his hair--for the sake of his image, he manages to sound a little put-upon, as if he didn't 100% volunteer to do this.]

Then he's probably fine, not that I'm a doctor or anything.

Does he normally just lie around like that? I thought a police dog would be more active.

[He hasn't personally met any, but he's seen some nasty guard dogs out there, and he's heard about lean, mean, and freaking fast dogs kept at prisons to hunt down escapees.

Sumo does not appear to be that kind of dog.]

Edited ([jedi voice] this is not the word you are looking for) 2018-09-09 02:29 (UTC)

He's not a police dog.

[Hank grimaces when he says it, realizing a second later that some of the guys at the station probably wouldn't have liked his tone just now.]

Nothin wrong with them, he's just...

[He runs his fingers through the fur at the back of Sumo's neck. Sumo gives a loud sigh, and Hank smiles a little.]

He'd of got kicked out of training in a second. Besides, he's too old to be a working man anyway. Hey, do you actually know how to tell if a dog's sick or were you just saying that stuff?

[Firo, on the other hand, is intrigued by that tone. He doesn't hate a police dog as much as a human cop, of course--that doesn't seem fair, to hate on an animal--but he's certainly no fan.]

Yeah. I'm not into animals, but--

["I ate an old man scientist who hoarded knowledge like it was going out of style and now I have his memories."

Yeah, he has a feeling that the guy who refused to believe him about prison wouldn't accept that answer. He rubs his eyes and rests his forehead on his hand, letting his eyes slip closed while he keeps talking.]

--some guy I knew told me about it and I guess I didn't manage to forget it. [He pauses but then makes himself add:] But that's about all I know, all right? So don't go asking me about how to take care of him.

[Hank looks baffled. Hank is baffled. That’s not the strangest thing he’s ever heard someone get all weird and defensive over, but it’s up there.]

Hey, no problem. It’s not like I’m gonna take you in for dogfighting, or whatever. I don’t care where you learned those really suspicious ideas about what to do with the most common animal on the fuckin planet. [Well. That’s probably cows, or some shit. Whatever. Not his point.] I just wanted to hear about other people’s problems for a minute, you’re the one who decided to talk about my dog instead.

I'm not involved in blood sports, either. I don't even take bets on that stuff.

[That has more to do with the Martillos having no connections/jurisdiction than any saintly inclinations on Firo's part.]

He just looked like he was as down as you are, so I wondered. Why do you wanna hear people complain? You look like you've got enough problems of your own.

[It's too bad Firo moved on so quick, because that was a hell of a statement he just made. But maybe it's for the best. The guy just tried to help Sumo, after all, a little. A sarcastic comment about what a squeaky clean little mobster the guy is might not have been exactly grateful.]

Well, yeah. Exactly. Why the hell would I want to hear about my problems? I already gotta deal with them. Do you want to deal with your own problems twenty-four seven?

No, but I just don't think about 'em.

Are that many people really telling you what's going on?

[A stranger? And a weird stranger, at that?]

Eh, enough to keep me busy. It's what people do, they wanna vent. I mean, not you, I guess, but people.

[Firo can't argue with that--and, really, he can be quite the complainer himself, as long as it's a completely inconsequential issue. Potential plague? That's a bit too important.]

And not you either, if you're just here to be the listener.

[He doesn't bother hiding his curiosity; the statement is just as much a question.

Jurisdiction or not, he's a bit concerned about a cop wanting to hear people spill their guts while spilling nothing himself. And then more than that, he's just plain curious.]

Hey, I wouldn't say no to getting a good round of bitching in myself, but like I said, I've had enough of my own problems. Why, you wanna be my shoulder to cry on?

[Not that he's going to actually cry, or spill anything that really matters. He and Firo are thinking the same, in that way. It's just that the whole large-scale flu thing doesn't feel that important to him. It's just a shitty thing that's happening.]

Yeah, no thanks. One of your new friends can help with that--even things up between you, you know.

I know you can't really do anything here, but do they know they're spilling their guts to a cop?

[Hank snorts, which slides into a laugh, which kills the next half-a-minute or so with a coughing fit that ends in a groan. Despite that Hank still manages to sound amused, even though the rasp in his voice has kicked up a couple notches.]

Jesus, kid, don't make me laugh like that. What the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? Like, really?

[Really and genuinely. That wasn't sarcasm. He wants to know.]

That somethin I gotta disclose now before I say a word to anyone?

[That cough sounds nasty enough that even Firo, who has no love lost for Hank, is raising both eyebrows in... not concern, exactly, but some distant cousin of it.]

You're gonna kill yourself laughing like that. Anyway, I just meant... being what you are, it seems weird that you're doing this stuff, especially when it's one-sided. Of all the distractions you could pick.

[Honestly, it's less about Hank being a cop and more why he chooses this for his distraction and opens it to people he might not even know.]

[Well, killing himself laughing is no reason to turn off his sense of humor. But Firo's next sentence distracts Hank pretty completely from saying that.]

'What I am'? Fuck, what does that mean? I turn into something when I got here and didn't notice?

Are you too sick to think straight? I just said it, you're a cop.

And cops don't talk to people unless they're about to arrest them, I gotcha.

[Hank nods, doing his best to sound enlightened - as enlightened as possible, like a guy who just learned something big and is promising to pay attention to it.]

Just like you don't talk to guys unless you're about to bust their kneecaps, right?

[Not that the kid gave any real details about what he did back home, Hank's mostly taking a shot in the dark there, but that part of the whole gangster thing's well known enough that he thinks it probably makes his point.]

Edited (forgot an icon) 2018-09-10 21:04 (UTC)

That's not what I meant.

[He sighs and lets his head lean back against the tree he's been sitting against.]

I just mean that if you take a guy who's used to dragging information outta people and then he goes offering to listen to people getting nothing in return... anybody'd be suspicious.

[At least in Firo's totally normal opinion.]

So far?

[Hank smiles real wide, his tone faux-bright.]

You're the only one. But hey, let no one say I don't listen to the will of the people. You get a, a petition or something telling me what I can and can't say to the good people of whereverthefuck, you just bring it to me and I'll see what I can do. Okay? That sound good?

[It's been a long time since Hank's addressed any official department complaints, but he thinks that's how it works.]

What? A petition?

[God damn it, Hank, he just wanted to point out that he thinks you're weird!]

I didn't mean you have to stop.

Then why did you say anything in the first-

[He stops, then leans back and nods to himself, his voice getting that enlightened tone again.]

Oh, I get it. You're just bitching. You decided to spill your guts to a cop after all, it's just, what you wanted to spill em about was me. Took me a minute but, you know, let it all out.

[He twirls his hand in front of the camera, encouragingly.]

It's not good to let all that stuff build up, you know. Twists you up on the inside. Makes you constipated.

Hell no--!

[And now it's Firo's turn to throw himself into a coughing fit, though this instead from the force of his outburst than laughter.

When he recovers with one final wheeze, he glares at the screen. Where was he?]

I'm not spilling my guts to you. I'm just talking about what you're doing!

Oh yeah, I see that. I mean it kinda looks like your body wants you to spill your guts a little bit but hey, don't let me tell you what to do. Us detectives, we heard it all, we're real good at listening to whatever, so if you wanna just talk to me in a real angry way, feel free.

If you're inviting me to do it, then that's the last thing I wanna do.

[Which may have been Hank's plan all along. God damn it.]

And you look just as sick as me. Haven't you ever heard of not throwing stones if you live in a glass house?

[Maybe the comment about spilling his guts wasn't making fun of him for coughing, but Firo's not usually a "give the benefit of the doubt" kind of guy.]

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"I know what you are" "Say it"

XD

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