text

[witchdaggah]

[ so like.

the text keeps appearing and reappearing. like someone's deleting their post? repeatedly. eventually one sticks, though: ]

NO ONE PANIC
The rat infestation is mine


[ that's it. that's the post. ]

Comments

[witchdaggah]

Oh god!!!!!
Whatever you do
Don't move!!!
They're trained to steal your shoes if you surprise them
What room are you in??

1/2

[punshots]

WAIT ARE YOU FOR REAL
i need these shoes they're my only pair!!!
i can't live in shoeless purgatory
i have delicate arches!!!!!!!
it's room 112

2/2

[punshots]

WHY DID YOU TRAIN THEM TO STEAL SHOES

1/2

[witchdaggah]

I am the Ultimate Bandit
Rat Queen





[ she's lying. they're just going to nest in there. i'm sorry. mae isn't tho ]

[witchdaggah]

[


mae literally times this so that when she kicks open his door (with her shoulder, which isn't kicking at all), a Very Large Cat stands in prompto's doorway.

this maybe is the worst thing she has ever done. ]

I have come for my bounty.

[punshots]

[ the ultimate bandit rat queen: what the actual fuck, pt. 1

a very large cat suddenly kicking his door in: what the actual fuck, pt. 2

He was already on the bed anyway, watching the rats to make sure they don't make off with his shoes, but he jumps right up when the door is flung wide open, shrieking like a little girl. ]

T-TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST LEAVE THE SHOES!!!

[ PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ]

I-I just wanna get served a-at restaurants...

[witchdaggah]

[ the sad unfortunate truth is this isn't even the worst thing she's done all day. but it makes her feel kind of mean? like, most of the time she's mean and doing things that are fun for her don't get people to scream like that. mae's... sympathetic? maybe. she thinks. probably?

emotions are weird. ]

I meant my rats, dude.

[ ... they do, to their credit, skitter back to mae and disappear up her shirt. now her stomach seems to be undulating with rats. it's fine.

but there's something about this guy that's so... familiar?? ]

Gregg?

[ if gregg looked like the rest of the folks here, at least, he's probably be prompto. ]

[punshots]

[ ...........




Oh.

Right. The rats. He maybe should have...put that together. Well, whatever — if she's here to get rid of those shameless shoe-thieves, she's more than welcome to kick his door in anytime!

...Even if the way they crawl up her shirt and writhe around is so, so much worse than thinking about them in his shoes. Holy shit. Holy shit. ]

Uhh — uhhhhhh — Ssssssssssally?

[ He just.

Said a name. He doesn't know what's happening anymore. ]

[witchdaggah]

No!

[ sally isn't even the name of a person she knows what the heck!! ]

I mean, sorry, I thought you were my friend put in an alien body or something. I don't know! [ screaming blonds remind her of her FAVORITE screaming blond. ] You're not Gregg!

[punshots]

[ Wow, okay, as if this couldn't get any more hella alarming. He's not an alien host body???? ]

Nnnnnnnope! Sure am not! I-I'm P-Prompto...

[ This is a bad time for introductions, but he's making them anyway, saluting Mae pathetically from the corner of the bed he remains perched on.

He opens his mouth—




—before making a high-pitched squeaking noise.

It's just his voice. ]

...They're in your shirt....

[witchdaggah]

[ see mae kneel. sat upon one knee, see mae knock on the floor. see rat. see rat observe paw. see rat skitter up paw. mae tuts. ]

Prompto sounds exactly like the name of an alien host body. [ "mae" is totally normal! ] Put that arm down, dude, I'm not going to maul you.

[ probably. ]

They're just. Animals. Like, I don't know what to tell you. [ her shirt wiggles again. the rat nestles into her paw, curling up on it's back. look how harmless it is!! ] Wanna pet one? It's soft and stuff!

[punshots]

[ Well, if nothing else, she's got them remarkably well trained...remind him never to get on her bad side.

He does lower his arm, though, seemingly disarmed by the way the rat sits so calmly and cutely in her palm. Sure, he's a sucker for cute animals, and they're not so bad when they're not running all over the place, but...but still! ]

A-a-are you s-sure they don't have...like, the plague?

[ Look, even in fantasy universes, rats carry the plague! Or at least, the fleas on them do — details. He's not quite convinced.

Even if it does look soft... ]

[witchdaggah]

[ as prompto speaks, the rat settles into mae's paw, feet up and tail relaxed. it's snuffling, eyes closed... perhaps... resting?? ]

It's clean! They're like, magic rats. So they're totally as clean as me. And honestly, that's a myth. It's just like... sewer rats, maybe.

[ does this look like a sewer rat?? look how soft. fluffy. sweet. snuffles. ]

This is prime pettin' time, dude. He's all tuckered out from playing in your shoe!

[punshots]

[ They might be as clean as she is, but Prompto would rather just pet Mae herself — okay, never mind, he's not gonna suggest that. He's, uh, not really sure how self-aware, talking animals would take to being pet.

The rat, though? It's winning him over with it's whole sleepy vibe, and slowly but surely, he starts to creep forward, slipping off the edge of his bed and reeeeeeaching out his hand like he's worried about being electrocuted. ]

Y-you're sure it's fine? ...Heh, he is pretty cute up close...

[ Even if the feet are still gross. Carefully, so carefully, he sets just one finger on the rat's tiny head.

Euphoric. ]

[witchdaggah]

[ goddamn if this ain't the squishiest thing in the universe. here is prompto, in all his weird squishy pink alien host body glory, petting the ugly little thing in her paw. hallmark, are you out there? got a new christmas card picture for you. slap some christmas hats on this scene, it is that precious.

the rat is content to allow this to happen. prompto's touch is warm and inviting and familiar. "always" by erasure is probably playing in the background of this thread, maybe. ]

D'awww. Effin' adorable. He likes you!

[ look at him. fast asleep. adorable. mae has turned this interaction completely around. ]

I wouldn't let someone touch an unclean anything, dude. That's all kinds of diseases. This is just cute.

[punshots]

[ It is just cute, and at the moment, Prompto is baffled at just how much he might've been missing out on by not petting rats all his life. Okay, maybe he's not going quite that far, he's still seen rats in too many sewers and dank caves for this moment to overwrite his impression completely, but his world is still minorly revolutionized.

Scratching the rat behind his lil' sleepy ears, he chuckles softly — don't wake the baby!!! ]

Wait, so...did your rats come with you from home?

[ Or did she train some she found here just that quick? But more importantly: ]

Aren't you, like...kinda their natural predator?

[ In his panic about the rat, he hasn't yet fully processed the fact that she is a...cat. ]

[witchdaggah]

[ the baby is sound asleep. it doesn't even snuffle. who knows, perhaps there was a bad dream happening in that little noggin... and if so.. perhaps the gentle touch of a scream-y blond who wears leather jackets was all that was needed. ]

Dude I WISH my babies came with me? But like, no, these guys... I can't super control them yet, but they are my magic rats.

[ she lets his other question go for a moment. maybe she should let him think she doesn't realize she's a cat? or did she mention that already. well. ]

I think I'm everything's natural predator.

[ she's a fat house cat. ...she isn't necessarily wrong?? ]

[punshots]

[ Her...magic...rats....

Prompto lifts one brow, and then the other, though he doesn't stop petting the rat, because that is just pure, unadulterated joy and he's probably not gonna stop petting it for at least an hour and a half. Get comfy, Mae. There are probably some snacks somewhere? ]

Waitwaitwait. You're tellin' me Astoria gave you magic rat powers? Is that what you're puttin' down for me?

[ Because it sounds



AWESOME. Like, five minutes ago, he wouldn't have thought so, but in his post-rat awakening life, being lord of such a cute, fluffy army doesn't sound too bad. ]