text

[witchdaggah]

[ so like.

the text keeps appearing and reappearing. like someone's deleting their post? repeatedly. eventually one sticks, though: ]

NO ONE PANIC
The rat infestation is mine


[ that's it. that's the post. ]

Comments

[intoningly]

What???
Actually shut up
before you say anything
it probably wont make sense anyway
wait like two seconds

[ It's actually like five minutes but Zero shows up to the kitchens, and she points a finger at her watch. ]

Well?? Are you it? You know? With the rats!

[witchdaggah]

[ mae's... on the floor... with cheese everywhere. well. ]

I'm a she and I have like, three rats right now.

[ a rat falls from the ceiling. ]

Four rats!

[intoningly]

[ A rat falls from the ceiling and falls onto Zero's head with a PLOP, scrambling to find footing.

Zero is silent for a moment, before pulling the thing off her head, pulling her arm back and hurling it in Mae's direction. ]

[witchdaggah]

[ the rat smacks mae in the face. this is a bulls eye.

mae is stunned for a moment? it slides down her face. there's a cartoon sound effect and everything. ]

Seriously?

[intoningly]

I don't like rats.

[ That's it, that's the tag. ]

[witchdaggah]

I don't care!!!! You should be nice to things that are alive in general regardless of your opinion of them. Unless they're actually like, a detriment to your livelihood? That's just basic decency!

[ this is os funny because mae shoplifts for fun. ]

[intoningly]

Oh? And who said I was decent?

[ She stands there, arms crossed, annoying smug shitty smile on her face. ]

Anyway, I showed up cause you said you were gonna' do some shit. If I'd know all that entailed was an ethics lesson I wouldn't have gotten out of bed.

[witchdaggah]

Yeah, I got you out of bed.

[ That Was The Joke ]

[intoningly]

[ ]

.. I'm gonna kill you and your rats.

[witchdaggah]

Oh my god!!! What is with you people!! You are like the third person to want to kill me in as many days and one of them was a god who wanted to eat me!

[ WHY IS THIS HER LIFE!!!!!! ]

Whatever, aaaaaaaargh!!! I thwarted a whole cult, I think I can handle you, lady.

[intoningly]

Yeah?

[ Now that's more fucking like it. Anyway, that's all Zero says before she gets a running start. She could just lunge at Mae but instead she parkours off the table before jumping on her. ]

Put your cheese where your mouth is!

[witchdaggah]

[ all right so. mae does not have a bat. she wants a bat. she needs a bat. zero lunges at her, parkouring off that table like this is an episode of the office, and so mae slides under it. she slips across the floor and goes for a drawer - there's got to be a spatula up in this kitchen. what kind of kitchen doesn't have a spatula.

she gets a cutting board. decent size. not a bat but wood all the same? ]

I'm gonna put my cheese in your ugly mug!

[



sounded better in her head.

mae just holds her cutting board like a shield. it'll work for like, the moment? this one tag. ]

[intoningly]

[ Zero's feet hit the cutting board briefly, just long enough for her to spring off it and into the air again. Is Mae even strong enough for that to happen? I dunno, but it happened.

Zero lands on her feet, eyes darting around the room for something she can use as a weapon too. The closest thing she can manage is..? A grater? She grabs that. ]

Once I'm done with you I'm gonna' feed all your dumb rats to the mermaids in the lake!

[ And then she lunges like? She's gonna joust her with the grater? ]

[witchdaggah]

Ok, that's just the plot of a Disney movie I am pretty sure?

[ aaaaaaaargh!

this is going nowhere!! they're just shoving a cutting board and grater at each other!!!

so mae throws her comically strong wooden cutting board into the air. yes! a distraction!! she's thinking with fire now. wait, it's cooking with fire. now mae is thinking with cooking and fire. she tackles zero. they're gonna do down SWINGING. probably.

eh, it's fine. she's not going to die here. probably. ]

[intoningly]

Who the fuck is Dis–

[ She watches the board go up in the air, and before her gaze can snap back down at Mae suddenly there is a human-sized cat full body tackling her.

Zero grunts as her back hits the floor, swiping at her with her nails with one hand and throwing punches with her prosthetics.

Rats skitter around them, perhaps taking bets on the fight. ]

Who the FUCK is Disney!

[witchdaggah]

An...

[ the rats are definitely taking bets. for the record, no one thinks mae will win this one. that's easy to see, because zero's punches land, and mae's tooth cuts her lip. there's the taste of copper in her mouth, like that time she stuck a warmed up penny under her tongue to fake being sick for her mother's thermometer. that's gonna mat her fur later but this isn't new to her in any capacity.

she doesn't bear her claws, despite the fact she's in distance of zero's eye and it'd be easy to scratch it out. who the eff asks about disney while kicking someone's ass?? this chick is weird. ]

Evil!

[ instead of throwing claws, she throws PAWS haha get it. mae rears her fist back and aims for her head. around now is when everything starts going a little green, and mae switches out for tugging at her hair as hard as possible. even as queasiness rises in her stomach, all she can think about is 1) finishing her response, 2) it'd probably be nice if she could make the pretty lady with the nice punches bleed a little too. ]

Corporation... poisoning our children's minds... Urp.

[ oh jeez ]