video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[fuck1ngusernam3]

tell them u gave it 2 an ancient chaos demon n u take full responsibility 4 wat ensued

[p_mortem]

Why do I keep befriending ancient chaos demons...
Please use it responsibly.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

dont tell me im not the first

no rlly. rlly dont tell me

[p_mortem]

Okay, I won't tell you.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

have i mentioned u need better friends

[p_mortem]

Who don't try to kill me? Yeah... But they were good friends aside from all of that.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

oh my god. thats 2 for 2 uve told me abt now. do u have friends who DONT try 2 kill u?

[p_mortem]

You haven't tried yet.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

am i

the only 1

[p_mortem]

Uh. Of course not. I have plenty of acquaintances who have never tried to kill me.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

so tryin 2 kill us like the entrance exam from ppl u kno 2 ppl ur friends with

[p_mortem]

Real friends die for each other, or something, right? Something like that.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

uh no. no? no. if ny1 tells u that run dont walk 2 the nearest exit. dont do that

[p_mortem]

You don't have to worry. I don't actually have that many friends, so it's a rare occurrence anyways.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

thats actually the 2nd least reassuring thing u cld have said

[p_mortem]

What's the least reassuring thing I could have said?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

that koro stole a hamster ball n wants 2 prove hes ur bff 4evr by runnin u over w it

[p_mortem]

He doesn't need a hamster ball to do that.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

hes not sumo he cant squish u just by rollin

[p_mortem]

He doesn't have to squish me if he's got a knife in his mouth.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

y am i surprised that uve thought this thru. y

[p_mortem]

You shouldn't have been. It's happened before, after all. Lots of mind controlling going on. It really sucked having to fight my friends.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

............even the dog

?

?????

[p_mortem]

Mind control. It's none of their faults. I've almost killed my friends before too.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

im pretty sure ur messin w me now