text

[witchdaggah]

[ so like.

the text keeps appearing and reappearing. like someone's deleting their post? repeatedly. eventually one sticks, though: ]

NO ONE PANIC
The rat infestation is mine


[ that's it. that's the post. ]

Comments

[witchdaggah]

That's kind of a leap to violence?
I mean they're just rats
If you make a loud noise they'll run away

[intoningly]

we just got done with one plague
dont need another
theyre just four legged diseases

[witchdaggah]

They're my babies and I love them
They're clean!
No diseases here
I bet there's more bacteria in your mouth!

[intoningly]

if you lov e them so much why do nt you marry them
o wait
you cant
cause im gonna stab em first

[witchdaggah]

I think they will get away too fast for you to do that
The main reason I can't marry them is that there are no rights for rats
Which means I'm gonna have to establish that
Like a union for rats?

[intoningly]

rats dont need to get married stupid
they dont have time to worry about shit like that
theyre too busy trying not to get stabbed and spreading disease

[witchdaggah]

Rats worry about that for sure
How would you know
Are you a rat?
Are you spreading disease???

[intoningly]

I might fucking be
whatre you going to do if i am
huh

[witchdaggah]

I mean I dont know
Probably stop replying when this stops being entertaining I guess
Like
It's just text
Not really a lot to do about it
Wait do you WANT me to do something about it?

[intoningly]

Depends on what you're gonna do???
Nah
Actually
yeah
Do something
I'm bored as shit

[witchdaggah]

Sure???
I'm in the kitchen eating cheese

[ i can't believe this. ]

[intoningly]

what am i supposed to do with this information
i asked what YOU were gonna' do
not what you ARE doing

[witchdaggah]

I mean you didnt tell me where you are
So I can't really do anything about it
No rooftops to run on dramatically in the rain
Therefore no Mae running to find you

[intoningly]

What???
Actually shut up
before you say anything
it probably wont make sense anyway
wait like two seconds

[ It's actually like five minutes but Zero shows up to the kitchens, and she points a finger at her watch. ]

Well?? Are you it? You know? With the rats!

[witchdaggah]

[ mae's... on the floor... with cheese everywhere. well. ]

I'm a she and I have like, three rats right now.

[ a rat falls from the ceiling. ]

Four rats!

[intoningly]

[ A rat falls from the ceiling and falls onto Zero's head with a PLOP, scrambling to find footing.

Zero is silent for a moment, before pulling the thing off her head, pulling her arm back and hurling it in Mae's direction. ]

[witchdaggah]

[ the rat smacks mae in the face. this is a bulls eye.

mae is stunned for a moment? it slides down her face. there's a cartoon sound effect and everything. ]

Seriously?

[intoningly]

I don't like rats.

[ That's it, that's the tag. ]

[witchdaggah]

I don't care!!!! You should be nice to things that are alive in general regardless of your opinion of them. Unless they're actually like, a detriment to your livelihood? That's just basic decency!

[ this is os funny because mae shoplifts for fun. ]

[intoningly]

Oh? And who said I was decent?

[ She stands there, arms crossed, annoying smug shitty smile on her face. ]

Anyway, I showed up cause you said you were gonna' do some shit. If I'd know all that entailed was an ethics lesson I wouldn't have gotten out of bed.

[witchdaggah]

Yeah, I got you out of bed.

[ That Was The Joke ]

[intoningly]

[ ]

.. I'm gonna kill you and your rats.

[witchdaggah]

Oh my god!!! What is with you people!! You are like the third person to want to kill me in as many days and one of them was a god who wanted to eat me!

[ WHY IS THIS HER LIFE!!!!!! ]

Whatever, aaaaaaaargh!!! I thwarted a whole cult, I think I can handle you, lady.

[intoningly]

Yeah?

[ Now that's more fucking like it. Anyway, that's all Zero says before she gets a running start. She could just lunge at Mae but instead she parkours off the table before jumping on her. ]

Put your cheese where your mouth is!

[witchdaggah]

[ all right so. mae does not have a bat. she wants a bat. she needs a bat. zero lunges at her, parkouring off that table like this is an episode of the office, and so mae slides under it. she slips across the floor and goes for a drawer - there's got to be a spatula up in this kitchen. what kind of kitchen doesn't have a spatula.

she gets a cutting board. decent size. not a bat but wood all the same? ]

I'm gonna put my cheese in your ugly mug!

[



sounded better in her head.

mae just holds her cutting board like a shield. it'll work for like, the moment? this one tag. ]