video, after the caverns

[fuck1ngusernam3]

 So, correct me if I'm wrong about this. 

[Hank doesn't bother with an intro, just starts right on in. The angle he's holding his wrist shows both his face and the stick he's dragging along the wall behind him, which has been in a fire at some point in the recent past and leaves a long black trail of ash over the wall as he walks.]

But when all you heroes trooped into the haunted caves under the mysterious freaky lake the communication plan was along the lines of, 'gee, if someone gets their feet ate off by some freaky bullshit I sure do hope they yell real loud so I can get there before they bleed out' right? I mean, I trust you guys know to make a post letting us all know if you need backup, but what if this- [Here the screen shakes as Hank wiggles his wrist, indicating the watch] -gets busted, or stolen, or whatever? 

I don't know, I was just thinking, next time a bunch of us, or just anyone, goes into something that might get bad there should be some kind of post stuck to the top of our feed that we could all check, just something like this-

[He stops walking, still talking as he starts to scratch a little list in ash onto the wall beside him.]

Hey, I wonder how little Suzy's doing. Oh, she checked in an hour ago, she's probably fine.

[He writes Suzy on the wall, and a checkmark next to her name.]

How about JimBob the Murder Bot? Oh, he hasn't checked in for about seven hours, I should take someone to go look for him.

[Next to JimBob the Murder Bot he doodles a little skull. Sorry Jimbo, it's hard out there for a figurative probably-dead robot. Better luck next time.]

Or maybe you guys would rather do some kinda daily role call like in school or, hell, maybe it's just more fun to lone wolf your way through all this world saving shit, what do I know. Decide amongst yourselves. I might be around, I might not. Just thought I'd throw this out there. I'm gonna go eat. 

Comments

[p_mortem]

I didn't eat dog food because I was on the brink of starvation or was wildly delusional... I was just curious what it tasted like, so I tried it.

[ somehow, putting it into words like this, makes it sound worse ]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

but ul never kno how it tastes 2 a dog

[That's the real downside here.]

[p_mortem]

It tastes good enough that they'll happily eat it every day for every meal, so I'm imagining something on the level of ramen.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

u think koro wld make ramen 4 us nstead of soup

[p_mortem]

Noodles are a bit harder to make... Rather than a knife wielding dog, it'd be best to find a cat to knead the dough.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

y doesnt this place have a trained zoo in the kitchen already this coma dream sucks. i want a baker cat

[p_mortem]

Yeah, your coma dream does suck. Try to lucid dream one up for us?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

ok if im gonna do that i want sumthin better than baker cat. if u see a giant food stand just kinda crash outside ur window tell me

[He's genuinely kind of hoping.]

[p_mortem]

You'll be the first one I'll contact. I'll be praying for vending machines.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

vending machine food wld b ok but id do rlly terrible things 4 a cheeseburger. like. rlly terrible

[p_mortem]

I miss burgers too. I think I'll petition Astoria to bring us to Earth next time. There's plenty of stuff people can fix there. And there's also burgers.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

ud all b scurryin around tryin 2 fix everythin tho thered be no time 4 burgers :(

[p_mortem]

Hey, don't underestimate us. We can scurry and eat at the same time.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

id never scurry while eatin a cheesburger u need 2 like. savor it. rats can scurry n eat but cheeseburgers r more important than that

[p_mortem]

The world is falling apart around you and you have five minutes to order a cheeseburger to go, but instead you'll insist on a sit-down meal.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

can i spend my last 5 mins on a sit down cheeseburger

[p_mortem]

The time crunch will be tough. Can you savor a cheeseburger in five minutes?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

how cld u underestimate me like this. i thot we were friends

[p_mortem]

Are we friends?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

well yeh

idk if were havin a moment or if ur bein sarcastic at me but yeh. is it called friends wen im this old or am i supposed 2 pretend 2b a mentor or sum shit

[p_mortem]

No, I just wasn't expecting it. I don't need a mentor, but friends are nice... I've been friends with older people than you, so that's not something to worry about.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

cool but like. does that mean ud promise a hamster ball 2 just ny1

[p_mortem]

Nope. Hamster balls are an exclusive offer.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

still means u promised a hamster ball 2 sum1 u werent even friends with tho how do u kno im gonna use it responsibly

[p_mortem]

Once I give it to you, it's out of my hands. You assume responsibility for your own actions.